Directness is Kindness

Daily writing prompt

What skills or lessons have you learned recently?

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I learned today that directness is kindness. I’m tempted to couch this in writing that of course I knew this beforehand, but I don’t want to make excuses, especially because this lesson was learned in a new context: letting someone down.

I’m referring to dating, as I just had a second date with a wonderful woman. I could tell she liked me a lot, but, unfortunately, it just wasn’t right for me. She texted me after this second date, trying to set up a third. I did tell her I’d get back to her, but even then I knew I didn’t want to continue seeing each other. She texted me again with a third date idea, but all I could muster in response was an emoji reaction. I did try to tell myself that I didn’t quite have the bandwidth to respond to her (which I think can be valid sometimes, but I accept it was an excuse in this case: it’s better to get it over with quickly; there’s never going to be a right time). I knew ghosting is wrong, but it was easy to convince myself that this was different, that I wasn’t doing that.

This morning she texted me again, gently calling me out for my lack of response and also reading my mind, inquiring if I didn’t want to continue. I’m thankful she did, as it pushed me to do the right thing and reply. I wrote my response as kindly and considerately as I could manage, now realizing that in doing so I was hoping to soften the blow as much as I could but that an earlier response would have been more effective.

I think she appreciated my delivery, but she left me with this lesson: directness is kindness. Thank you, X.