The Winter Solstice

From an instagram post sent to me by a crush:

1. What am I holding unnecessarily and draining energy?
   • I don’t have much hate in my heart – certainly the least I’ve had in my life – but still there is some, though it exists mainly in the form of involuntary reactions to small inconveniences. I know, of course, that life is better lived without hate; why let something so little trigger me so much? Because I know this, I’ve eliminated most, if not all, forms of hate I’ve ever been aware of. The unconscious, and involuntary, hates I take as a marker of my mental health and a reminder to relax.
2. How do I better support and receive support from life around me?
   • I am in my relationships arc, and, in part, to me that means appreciating the little moments: remembering people’s families, chatting and introducing myself to strangers (especially to those whom I repeatedly encounter), embracing community, and importantly, expressing my true self – my thoughts and feelings – and not hiding my self for fear of judgement.
3. What practices suport this alignment?
   • Art, doubtlessly. The more I embrace this craft of writing, the more myself I feel and the more empowered to express myself.
4. What are my intentions for the next phase?
   • Today, December 21st, is the Winter Solstice, the Darkest Day. A time of whimsy and magic, to be sure. Let’s then take ‘the next phase’ to mean these next three months until the Spring Equinox, March 20. In that case, I love the arc I am in now (which is both my relationships arc and my writing arc). I feel it has kept the seasonal depression I’m prone to at bay, for which I’m grateful. Anyway, I want this arc to continue. Perhaps that means more of the same – responding to prompts and whatnot – but maybe it means embracing writing a novel. So, then, my intention: Figure out my next steps in my writing process. I love what I’ve done so far.
5. How does holding onto what do not serve me go against Earth’s regenerative nature?
   • Life and death, experiences processed, wrongs forgiven. Holding onto what doesn’t serve me goes against Earth’s regenerative nature in the sense that I’m supposed to be growing, changing, and evolving, but holding onto habits that don’t serve me holds me back from doing so. For example, based on the reasoning of out of sight, out of mind, I finally have fully realized that I simply cannot have my phone on my person. It is a madness, and I feel there is a direct inverse relationship between the amount of time I spend on it and my mental health. I live so much more without it.
6. Are my actions aligned with my values? How can they be more aligned?
   • My central value, from which all others spring or are related, is equity. Fairness. Recognition of uniqueness. This question brings to mind the following: Am I fair to myself? Am I fair to my passions, goals, and dreams? Am I fair to others? Am I fair to the planet? Regarding the first, I’m unfair to myself in the sense that sometimes I’ll hide myself for fear of judgement or I’ll find it difficult to relax without an anxiety monkey sitting on my chest hammering my ribs. Otherwise, developed through self-love and journaling, I believe I am fair to myself. To my dreams? I believe so; I give them the respect they deserve most of the time and engage with them regularly. Am I fair to others? Yes and no. Though I do think I do a good job of the following, certainly I could be more fair and honor the light within everyone, treating people with more grace. To the planet? It just feels like a Sisyphean feat, that there’s always more one could do, despite the reality that capitalism and corporate greed are most at fault for our planet’s demise. Long-term sustainability is a value of mine, one that I will seek to nuture.