The Old Woman

Prompt: Write two versions of the same story, narrating back and forth between a ‘now’ scene and a ‘then’ scene. Version A should be in first person or third person, version B should be in the other. Version A should be all in present tense, all in past tense, or ‘now’ in present tense with ‘then’ in past tense (or vice versa). Version B should choose a different tense option.

Version A

The old woman, who never imagined herself so, plopped discontentedly into her armchair, intentionally drawing forth her knitting supplies hoping the hobby would settle her mind. As she began, her fingers, with a will of their own, found their rhythm, and her mind slipped away…

She sees herself sitting in the sunny, grassy park of her youth, blanket underneath, birds chirping above, and loving new husband beside. From her supplies, she pulls out the beginnings of an afghan…

The woman sighed then, reminiscing on happier times, and cast a glance at the well-worm armchair occupying the empty space of the room. A tear welled in her eye until the lash could contain it no longer: it slipped down her cheek and chin, falling to her hands. She looked down at the droplet.

The man turns to her, “I believe I’ve found paradise, my dear, here with you.” Her cheeks redden, and she smiles at him, warmth flooding her chest. “I’m so happy,” she trembles, “it’s just that this all happened so fast, and I just wish my mom could have been there.” Her chest heaves, and the man pulls her in: “I know, baby.”

Her whispering breath caught in her throat at what she saw before her: an unmistakable pattern woven into her blanket. She muttered aloud her incredulity and looked about the room. Her eyes settled on a familiar sight, a comforting sensation encompassed her, and she remembered.

Version B

I, now the old woman I never imagined myself to be, plop discontentedly into my armchair, and draw forth my knitting supplies in the hope the hobby will settle my mind. My fingers, with a will of their own, find their familiar rhythm, leaving my mind free to wander…

I’m sitting in the sunny, grassy park of my youth, blanket underneath, birds chirping above, and my loving new husband beside. From my bag, I pull out the beginnings of an afghan…

I sigh then, reminiscing on happier times, and cast a glance at the well-worm armchair occupying the empty space of the room. A tear wells in my eye until the lash can no longer contain it, and it slips down my cheek and chin, falling to my hands. I look down at the droplet.

My husband turns to me, “I believe I’ve found paradise, my dear, here with you.” My cheeks redden, and I smile at him, warmth flooding my chest. “I’m so happy,” I tremble, “it’s just that this all happened so fast, and I just wish my mom could have been there.” My chest heaves, and my man pulls me in: “I know, baby.”

My whispering breath catches in my throat at what I see before me: an unmistakable pattern woven into my blanket. I mutter aloud my incredulity and look about the room. My eyes settle on a familiar sight, a comforting sensation encompasses me, and I remember.

Analysis

I like the counterintuitive tense use in Version A. The immediacy provided by the present tense in the ‘then’ scene seems to imply that the memory is more real to the old woman than the past tense ‘now.’

Compare this to version B, where the commitment to the present tense challenges the reader to distinguish between then and now; I noticed myself attempting to leave clues to make this easier. Similarly, there’s more narrative liberty with third person points of view, whereas, as Le Guin warns with this exercise, there’s a tricky self-aware line the author must navigate for first person writing. That is, the narrating character using the I voice must sound natural. In my piece, statements such as “My whispering breath catches in my throat” are unnaturally self-aware.

Lastly, I like how in version B the use of quotes can escape the confines of tense in a beneficial way. The following spoken quote seems to be a pardonable break from the present tense commitment: “it’s just that this all happened so fast, and I just wish my mom could have been there.” So, I can see such quote usage being a beneficial tool for a writer set on using first person point of view.